“What are you people waiting for? Haven’t you been married for over a year?” A colleague asked a lady who had been married but wasn’t seen with a protruding stomach several months after her wedding.
“Don’t you know you biological clock is ticking? When will you get married?” A family member asked a thirty-three year old lady.
“Why are you driving a car as a single lady? Don’t you think people will think you are proud?”
“When will you get a second child? Don’t you think its time you get pregnant again?”
These are some of the very insensitive questions some people ask when others have not met the expectations they have of them. This is especially common in our culture that is communistic in nature and tends to show concern for people. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with checking up on the welfare of others, a line of respect must be drawn when it comes to aspects of privates lives that aren’t seen and known.
It isn’t right to make assumptions about people and what they should be doing when one isn’t part of the decisions about their personal affairs. While it is a laudable aspect of our culture to check on the welfare of people around, one shouldn’t mold or impose his/her personal expectations on what others should or shouldn’t be doing. Genuine questions can be asked appropriately but the inquirer must also know that others have a right to their personal lives and may choose to disclose or not disclose what they have planned.
Often, individuals who ask insensitive questions don’t know they are talking from a place of pride. A pride that silently speaks of knowing what is best for the other person, a pride that actually says that the inquirer had made better life decisions so have a right to inject his/her opinion into other people’s lives.
Sometimes, these questions are born from the place of ignorance about what the person is going through. As an example, couples who are battling with miscarriages would be negatively affected if they are asked one of the above questions.
People should show concern and check up on families, friends, and loved ones but should be knowledgeable on how to inquire about their welfare without causing damage to them mentally.
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